It's A Long Story
by Chasing Crows
Summary: Xiang catches a Spanish man stealing his cereal at two in the morning.


**I never said I was sane.**

**I own nothing.**

Xiang stared at the Spanish man attempting to take a few boxes of his cereal out from the cupboard. Said Spanish man stared right back at him. Awkward silence ensued.

"So," Xiang said.

"So," Spanish Cereal Thief replied.

"Why are you stealing my cereal at two in the morning?" Spanish Cereal Thief coughed nervously.

"Um, I wanted some cereal."

"Yes, I can see that. But, like, wouldn't most people _go to a supermarket?"_

"Supermarket's not open at this time, and I really wanted some cereal."

"You couldn't wait five hours?"

"Like I said, I _really _wanted some cereal."

"Are you high?"

"W-what? No! ¡¿Por qué piensas eso?!"

"Dude, like, look at me. I'm one hundred percent pure, unfiltered Asian. My pyjamas even have Chinese characters on them. Why would you think I speak Spanish?"

"Oh, lo siento. Wait, I mean, sorry. By the way, those are some _linda pijamas!"_

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

"Er, that means, 'those are some cute pyjamas.'"

"Aw, thanks, but like, if you think I'm gonna let you go because you complimented a bunch of really crappy pyjamas my mum-dad-brother gave me, you're dead wrong. Do you, like, have an explanation beyond you suddenly having the munchies for a box of sugary, artificially flavoured chunks of processed wheat, or should I call the cops now?"

"Mum-dad-brother?"

"It's complicated. Just, like, answer the question."

"Well, you see, there isn't much to it. My friends and I were really hungry and we wanted some cereal so we kind of entered your house–"

"Wait, so you mean there's more of you?"

Spanish Cereal Thief laughed nervously. "Er, well–"

"Dammit Antonio, you fucking idiot! We could have gotten away with it!" Xiang twitched as a rough voice insulted the Spanish Cereal Thief from behind his couch.

"Get out from behind the fucking couch, dude. Jig's up," Xiang said. There was a pause, then a shuffling noise as a dude with white hair and red eyes crawled out from behind his sofa.

"Mein gott, Antonio!" snarled presumably German Cereal Thief. "If we'd just chosen the Coco Crunch, then we could have been out the fucking window before Asian kid here showed up and ruined it!"

Antonio laughed apologetically. "Sorry, Gilbert, I just don't like Coco Crunch! It doesn't taste like real chocolate."

"That's because it _isn't_ real chocolate, you fucking idiot!"

"Right, as amusing as it is to watch you insult him, we have more pressing matters. Namely, Mr. Antonio over there said _friends. _As in, more than one friend," Xiang cut in.

There was a faint laughter from behind the curtain that sounded vaguely like _honhonhon. _A blond man with stubble sheepishly slid out to join his German buddy.

"Antonio, my dear...remember our little preparation speech?" French Cereal Thief berated. Antonio hung his head.

"_Get in, get the cereal, get out, and Antonio? If we get caught don't speak because you're not very smart, just run," _Antonio recited, looking like a child getting scolded. Xiang would have felt sorry for him if it weren't for the fact that he and his friends had broken into his home for a few boxes of cereal.

"Right, guys," Xiang said. "I don't like, really _care _about any of that. I just wanted you guys to like, know, that breaking and entering is a crime. So, like, even though you guys are kind of really dumb and my heart goes out to you, Spanish Cereal Thief, I'm gonna have to, like, call the cops. Sorry."

The three cereal thieves looked at Xiang. Xiang looked back at them.

They bolted for the window that they came from.

The trio knew they were fast, they were fit, and they outnumbered Xiang. They did not, however, know that Xiang was considerably faster _and _fitter than all of them. They also did not know he was a karate prodigy.

Needless to say, they got their asses whooped.

**I wrote this at one thirty in the morning.**

**That's the only excuse I have for this.**

¡¿Por qué piensas eso?! : Why would you think that?

Credits to the ever beautiful and 540% accurate Google translate. I am completely certain that this is a correct translation that is in no way wrong whatsoever.


End file.
